WHAT IS LOVE BY APOSTLE JOSHUA SELMAN (PART 1)
The Holy Spirit put it in my mind to give you this teaching, and it will really really bless. There are not many times when I say that a teaching will bless you but today, if this teaching doesn't bless you, something is really wrong with your understanding. I title what am about to share 'What is love' (Understanding relationships). This is not necessarily about love relationships, its more serious than that. Its something that God has revealed to me that I think the body must understand.
Jeremiah 31:3
The Lord has appeared of old to me saying ' I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore with loving kindness have I drawn you'
What is love? John 3:16, very popular scripture. Many of us have not read it for a long time, because of our pride of believing we know all that it says. 'For God so loved the world'. Read the 3rd and 4th word. You can say 'He gave His only begotten son because He so loved the world.
The foundation of His benevolence was the extent of His love.
Love is a word that is used greatly in our world and society today. We attach it to our affection and affinity for things. You hear people say I love you, I love my car, I love Jesus', I love koinonia and so it's not a word that is strange. But I just want to help us because knowing this will turn every aspect of our lives around, not just relationships but also finances, our work with the Holy Spirit etc. People use the word love without understanding the gravity of it.
Every time we mention the word love, usually our scope of understanding is hinged around the emotions or attachments. From a lay man's understanding, many use it to explain the goodness, positive attachment which they have towards a person or thing. So for many people, the word love mean emotions or feelings, So when you feel good towards a person or thing and you're asked to atikulate what is happening you say I love that thing, I love that flower, Why? You say because it is beautiful, the design made it pleasant to my eyes and then I have a positive affinity towards it and I call it love. But you see I want to share with us a number of things that will help us:
(1) True love is not emotions, its not feelings. Don't get me wrong, there is an emotional component when you are talking about love, there must be an emotional component but love is not emotion. If the entire scope of your definition of love for a person or for a thing is just an attempt to express the emotional affinity towards that thing, then you are very limited. There is a lot of trouble in marriages, relationships in carnality in attachment to things because of this definition. The word feeling is a psychological word, its a word that was invented to explain your psychological disposition at a given time. So if I am not feeling alright because of a stomach upset and you ask me what's wrong, and I tell you 'I'm feeling sick'. If someone annoys me and you ask me 'What's wrong? I'll say 'I'm feeling bad', so the word feeling is a word that attempts to describe your psychological disposition at a given time. Please make sure you're attentive, because one of the unbecoming of people is their vulnerability to their feelings for when you depend on feelings, both your relationship with God and life, will be shattered. Because love is not a feeling, love is not emotions. Love can and should create feelings, true love should create feelings, don't get me wrong. We'll discuss this later however without feelings and emotions you cannot be committed towards a person or a thing but love isn't feelings.
We know from life and biology that feelings can be product of chemical reactions, hormones, all kinds of physiological things that happen within a human being that is the why love which is based on feelings should not be trusted. When you build your love life (for God, man, thing) based on emotions and feelings, you will never be able to sustain it. This is why many people do not gave the strength, to push a business idea to the end. They say they love it because the idea reflected a positive emotion to them and so they believed that they loved the idea but when another idea came to them higher and better than that one, all of a sudden their loyalty to that idea went. It is even easier when when it is a thing, but it's harder when it is a person. We live in a world where our definition of love is based on feelings so when you feel good towards a person, you say you love them. And for many of us, I say this with honor and respect; we have watched films, we have been exposed to books and we even have been mentored by personalities who have been so inclined to emotions and their scope of their definition of love is that it must always give you a feeling and if for any reason the feeling is not positive then it is not love. That teaching is not an accurate teaching. Feeling positive at a person or thing at a particular moment, maybe because it looked pleasing and gave you some sought of excitement is not love. Remember the shirt you now use as a rag, at a point you felt positive towards that short but you used the wrong word 'LOVE'.
Feelings are temporary dispositions based on something we consider pleasant about someone or an object. For e.g someone might be singing and because of the nice voice you feel positive towards that person at that moment and call it love based on the voice. But what of when you meet that same person sleeping and snoring, that activity doesn't go well with your feeling, so suddenly, the love you thought you had vanishes. I forsee that
If we do not know what love is, many marriages will break, many relationships won't even exist, business and ministry and leader won't rise. Building anything on feelings and emotions(marriage, spiritual growth, business etc) is a guarantee for failure and frustration. This is what makes believers crumble, because at some point they felt the presence of God, power in some way and now they no longer feel it again and they believe God is no longer there with them. Marriages, relationship, businesses today are in trouble because of feelings.
There are many things on life that has the capability of creating feelings in is example looks( outward appearances), education, wealth etc but none equates to love.
When you see old couples of 70 and above sit together, hold hands and say We love each other, do you think they mean 'we feel emotionally drawn to ourselves? NO.
Feelings can be deceptive and is not an accurate measure of love. People don't get filled with the Holy Spirit because they are depending on feeling. Depending on feelings to love God, your wife, husband, job etc
Before I tell you what love is, I want to share with you a scripture blessed me, dimensions of true love.
Ephesians 3:17-18 " That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the BREADTH, and LENGTH, and DEPTH, and HEIGHT.
True love has this four dimensions; length, breadth, height and depth. All this dimensions have their relevance. If this four dimensions are not captured in your idea of love them never talk about it.
The first dimension is:
(1) PASSION: There is no love if it cannot be expressed with feelings. That's why I told you that there is a place for feelings, its only that feelings is not the entire scope. What is passion? A strong or extravagant fondness of something. Enthusiasm or desire for someone or something. You can't say you love a person and there is no desire. The prove that you are passionate about a thing is pursuit. When you love someone or something, there is a vulnerability to pursue that person or thing unashamedly. There are many relationship, marriage and business without pursuit. They claim to love each other but no appetite for pursuit at all. Many say I love Jesus but no pursuit. Psalm 8:3 shows God expressing this dimension of love. We are not studying love from any love from every relationship expert but straight from the one who invented it. Anything that shame won't let you pursue, dont even start. When you claim you love a person, question no 1 ask yourself, am I really vulnerable enough to pursue this person? Don't ever marry someone who doesn't have this thing. Bigmanism and passion cannot work hand in hand. David danced unashamedly to God.
(2) COMMITMENT: commitment is the willingness to give your time, energy, your self to something or someone you believe in. There is no emotion in commitment. When a believer is told to denounce Jesus or die and yet still he refuses to denounce Him, is there any passion there? No Sir. Commitment is a state of been dedicated. Commitment is an engagement or obligation to someone that brings restriction. Though you have other options but you still stay because of your commitment.
(3) PLEASURE: pleasure is the satisfaction derived to one's liking (Psalm 16:11). We do many things and we are angry and frowning, there are marriages where there is completely no jot or delight though we are passionate and committed, especially to we the visionary people. It is a side effect that comes with been visionary. Even the bible says that God laughs from His throne. Your business and relationship must give you laughter. There must be a feeling of joy and relaxation. If every time you get angry and frown around, it can be a sign to get out. How can you meet with someone from January to December without a smile or joyful feeling, what sort of thing is that? If there is no pleasure in what you are loving, you'll feel cheated. This is a challenge to spiritual ladies and visionary people. Most of the things done within this period are just emotions not revelation, so someone that has no iota of love or care suddenly changes for 2 days. That experience shouldn't be relied because it won't last. I detest a life with passion and commitment without pleasure. Some of us where brought up in homes where you don't play. You are either reading or sleeping.
Men of God and spiritual people don't ignore this. However the trouble becomes when your entire scope is centered on pleasure.
(4) SACRIFICE: The 4th dimension of love is sacrifice. Sacrifice is giving up something you consider valuable for the sake or someone or something. Sacrifice is constraint, inconvenience and sometimes pain. Show me your sacrifice, as a prove of love. If there is no sacrifice, there is no love. I look at some parent and they are very sacrificial while others don't bother at all. You claim you love God but you come to church, remove 100 naira and put it back, remove 50 and put it back in your pocket then you now remove the old and torn 20 naira and put in the offering box. Is that what you call love? Believers don't understand this language again. You will hardly hate someone that sacrifices for you. What are you laying down for your husband, what are you laying down for that guy or lady you want to marry. Bless God for some of our mothers and fathers who will not buy a wrapper and pack the car for years just to send us to school, not so that we can pay them back (that's investment). Don't rush in to marriage if you are not ready for sacrifice.
I look at Myles Monroe, he cheated death. He died long ago but his the wisdom God gave him still guides us today because of his sacrifice, passion, pleasure and commitment to his work. Sister, there are some kind of brothers God will never bring to your path because He knows who you are. Don't be angry when you see God lifting people, there's sacrifice and blood dripping from that altar you see.
Pray in one minute over this 4 things...
What then is love?
(1) True love is a choice, it is an act of the will. Any attempt to force someone to marry against their will is not love but witchcraft. Your will must be involved. It is a decision to live with someone whether the person is perfect or not.
This ministry you see me do, is a choice, I have other options. I would have gone into business or so.
(2) True love is understanding the value, worth and significance of a person to God, your life and society. When you pay 50 dollars to buy a car, you pack that car in a special garage because of what it cost you. I watch relationships and see how ladies devalue the men because the they didn't read something or hasn't attained a level of success yet. Don't ever ask a lady or say yes to a man you don't value. It is painful for you to sacrifice to someone and the person communicates that it isn't worth it. When a guy treats a lady like a rag, there's no value and relevance. Let me tell you something that will shock you; the only part of love that is unconditional is CHOICE. The choice to stay with your husband no matter what is unconditional but the honor is conditional. I love you means I understand your value and relevance to my life and destiny.
(3) True love is honor: Honor is the recognition, acknowledgement and celebration of that person. No matter how much you love God, without a woman you can't produce another life. So when the woman comes, don't treat her like a piece of rag. To be a man is hard, a man is a burden bearer, respect them. Don't just demand and demand because Nigerian films showed us that if you love someone, you must spend. When a man of honour comes into your life and proves worthy, don't be afraid to communicate that honor back. Husbands and Wife, honor each other, don't try to claim you can do without each other. True honor is mutual. One sided honor is selfish.
Write in the comment section 2 things you learnt from this message. Ensure to share it across and save a perishing soul.
We love you
God loves you
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